My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
