You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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