Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
