Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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