You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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