I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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