just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
