So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize