That's intense
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize