Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
