i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize