Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
