may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
