don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I could fuck to npr.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
