Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
