He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I bet he comes in French.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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