my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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