I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
