I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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