oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize