So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
