its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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