he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
