You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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