u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's get the cat blown out
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
