Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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