walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
