I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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