i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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