Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
