so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
