I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
