god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
