nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
