You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
