the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
