im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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