It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
