apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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