I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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