as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
