We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
