So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
