i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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