youre lurking in front of me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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