Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
