just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
