if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
