honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
