I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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