found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He felt like a one man threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize