Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
