so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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