Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
