did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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