thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
