My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
