I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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