When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
