The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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