Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You pole danced in your parka.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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