Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
