between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
