he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So squirting runs in the family.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize