i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
