using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
