Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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