What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
