My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
