I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
