Already got asked if we're dating
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
