He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
