I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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