then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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